Q.Two flys land on a ladys pussy how do you know which one is on drugs?
A.The one that lands on the crack.
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the
remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the
driver, I have a dead pussy.
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.
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One day this girl, who is wearing a skirt, goes out to play with her friends. She goes to the park and meets a boy. They talk about climbing trees. The boy says to the girl: "Go on climb that tree." The girls climbs up and the boy just stands there and looks up to the girls pants. After a while the girl goes home and tells her mum about what happened. Her mum says: "oh my stupid girl he just stood there and watched your pants." The next day she went out again with her skirt on and met THAT boy again. He told her to climb again and she did. when she got home she tells her mum what happened again and her mum says: "My stupid girl he just stood there and watched your pants." The girl replied and said: "No actually I tricked him, this time i did not wear any pants!" |
Sizes
9'' - oh shit, pain!
7'' - oh yes, yum!
6'' - oh perfect!
5'' - mmm ok!
4'' - push more!
3'' - is it in?
2'' - idiot! Just use your tongue.
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.
“Mother, where do babies come from?”
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and
Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their
bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the
daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby,
honey.” The child seems to comprehend.
“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had
daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!
